(no subject)

[elasticity]

There is the distinct hint of man when she arrives home.

This does not bode well. Sally's instincts are attuned to sniffing out the intruder and sending him skittering off with a well placed use of the word 'tampon', but she's displeased with the mere fact that she has to. There should be no men in her humble abode. This is where she strips off all the layers and lets her scary out. This should be a man-free zone.

"Excuse me?" she got out sharply. "What are you doing here?" she demanded of the man, arms crossed firmly as she regarded him and trying not to make notice of the fact that he was handsome.

Comments

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

Hank didn't have much to his name on the island, so apart from a few black t-shirt and pairs of jeans, his bed was pretty bare. He tossed the clothes to the foot of it and flopped down to make himself comfortable, folding his hands behind his head.

When the woman appeared, he lifted himself onto his elbows and flashed her a smile. "Hi, roomie."

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

Sally took another few steps into the room, giving the clothes a look of such disdain that had she had the power of death by glare, those shirts and jeans would have burst into flames. "Roomie?" she echoed icily, hands on her hips now. She could be dismissive with the very best of them. "I've only ever had female roommates before. How on earth are you here?"

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"My people talked to your people..." Hank brushed off the question with a wave of his hand and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his new bed. "Sally, right? Hank. I don't snore." And he'd had enough opportunities for women to tell him otherwise.

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

Sally was still perplexed, but she was also distracted by the fact that her new roommate wasn't entirely abhorrent and ugly. This was going to take some adjusting. "You don't snore, but you have a penis," she pointed out rather bluntly. "I can foresee problems."

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

Hank had been prepared for this. He climbed to his feet, hands covering his junk. "Pretend he's not there. I've lived with woman before; in fact, I'm practically a woman inside. I can handle the shit out of mood swings, period pains," he ticked them off his fingers, "hormones, hot flushes... Seriously, when you get the decorators in, I will be all over that." Hank hefted his jeans up by the belt loops and flashed Sally another broad smile. "I'm a mister from another sister, sister."

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

Sally narrowed her eyes, still assessing the situation as critically as she could. She was very good at critical. She was born to be critical. "If you were having a bad hair day, what would be your first move?" she quizzed bluntly.

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"Cry, play with myself, get drunk, insult someone else's hair to make mine feel better," Hank answered right off the bat. "Not necessarily in that order. Even better," he added, pointing a finger, "find a bald guy and insult him instead. Better bad than bald, that's what I say."

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

Sally opened her mouth to let loose a biting retort that would no doubt have him wishing he had never been born, but then she actually listened to what he had to say and she...didn't hate it. This was very strange. Very strange. "And your thoughts on gravity?" she assessed, careful not to furrow her brow and lose elasticity for this.

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"Hate it," Hank confirmed with a nod. "Without gravity, I'd be sporting a twenty-four hour boner." Because gravity was the reason why he couldn't currently do that...

"Don't you sometimes wish you could have twenty-four hour turgidity? I know I do." Hank's gaze dropped south of Sally's waist, unashamedly so, his head cocking to the side. "Maybe that's just me."

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

Sally pressed her hands over her nether-areas, staring at him with a wary look. "You sound like you're sane," she said critically. "But you're still a man. Inevitably, you're going to look at me and judge my thighs. Men always do that, you know," she said, coolly and knowingly. "And then we're not going to be able to be roommates anymore because I'll have killed you."

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"Guilty as charged," Hank agreed, holding up his palms. Because only daft schmucks pretended they didn't judge by looks alone. "But your thighs look good, woman. Feel free to show them off in here, I'm down with that. What are your thoughts on sex?"

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

Well. Maybe Sally was quick to rush to judgment about this whole roommate business. After all, it wasn't like she had men beating down her door. She eyed him suspiciously, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Just sex?"

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"So how do you want to do it?" Hank asked after acknowledging Sally's question to the positive. "We could always just do it in other people's beds," he offered, raising his eyebrows at her. He wasn't really one for bringing women home with him anyway. It was easier to escape their pad than his own.

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

She considered that for a moment, thinking of the various men that would even possibly come by and who applied in this situation. "Their place sounds good," she agreed, tentatively. "But if there's an emergency, maybe something left outside the curtain?"

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

Hank lifted an eyebrow at her, lips quirking. "Emergency sex?" Well, there was an idea to keep in mind. "Listen, Sal, gimme a head's up here. You got a beefy boyf lurking around that's gonna turn green when he hears about moi?"

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

"Don't call me Sal," she said, curtly. It was the male association, but it was also because it reminded her of Susan and how very far away Susan was. If Susan were here, they would have very long lists and the sole poor Australian she had met would be in terrible trouble and she would already have a roommate.

As for the question...

"There may be a bloke who wants to take me out for dinner," she admitted. "But it's a first date."

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"Really." Hank took a moment to think about that, before moving over to Sally. "I'm jealous already. Care to let me join you two infatuated tweens for the date? I'll letcha know if he's only interested in a side order of vag play." He lifted a coy shoulder, brushing off his talent. "It's a gift. Use me and abuse me."

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

"I'm starting to dislike you," she warned, because she had bad enough trouble on dates on her own without bringing along a male companion. She gave Hank the stink-eye at that. "Besides, I'm hardly an infatuated tween, not with all the man I've dated."

[motherfuckaa.livejournal.com]

"Bit of a goer, huh?" He asked, the glisten in his eye the giveaway that he was only teasing. "So when's this dinner?" He figured he could swing by anyway and do some undercover analysis for her. The possibility of telling her her date is a prick might not be the best start to a shining new roommateship though.

[dinnerfor1-girl.livejournal.com]

"Less of a goer and more men are useless and none have measured up enough to stick around," she remarked dismissively, only half-paying attention to him anymore. "And it's in a week's time," she responded. "We'll see if he's good enough to stick around."